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12 May 14 at 3 pm

Shame on me.

Shame on me.

"For a man with morals and honor, loving two women is maddening. A duality occurs. One side excited by the prospect of something new and passionate while loathing the familiar, battles comfort and stability. The urge to be free of commitment while recoiling at the idea of breaking the bonds cemented with oath. The choice becomes depression or aggression."

 3
14 Oct 13 at 4 pm

Diary of a Madman, October 14th, 2013

"I want to scream. I want to broadcast my problems to the world. But I don’t because I know people have their own shit to deal with. So my problems get packed away, buried… I constantly put my problems on the back-burner and allow them to boil. Always boiling. Then comes the inevitable over-splash or explosion. Then suddenly… my problems are your problems. I am your problem."

The Beetle in the Cubicle

Boss: What were you thinking?
Me: Honestly. Why am I here? What am I doing here? I come here for eight hours a day for one simple reason. A paycheck. Does my being here change anything in the world? Maybe, in some insignificant way, I make a customer's day a little easier to bear.
Boss: Your work has been valuable to the company, but recently your stats have been slumping.
Me: Really? Those numbers and figures that are nearly impossible to meet. It's like trying to balance on five different stilts of different lengths. You finally make some progress and one of them is kicked out from underneath.
Boss: Oh come on. You're better than this.
Me: Am I? I march in line with everyone else. I'm a good employee. I SHOW UP. You know, today, I was sitting at my desk, while the billing system was mocking me for trying to waive an early termination fee. I had just chugged a Mountain Dew to keep me awake. I felt an itch on my neck, I went to scratch and I pulled a beetle off of my neck and tossed it against my cubicle. It landed on my sticky note pad and started mocking me, so I grabbed a tissue and silently crushed it to death. the whole time I could hear it scream for mercy, I just chuckled and tossed it in the trash. I went outside on my break for another cigarette because I could taste vomit in the back of my mouth. I came back to my desk and talked to a woman who was nice as could be, but I talked to her as if she was screaming at me.
Boss: What are yo--
Me: That's just it. I smiled and was cheerful and the whole time, I felt like that beetle. Screaming for mercy. I tread in areas I shouldn't and I get slammed against a wall and crushed, all because I SHOW UP.